Okay, dear reader, I promised you a happy ending to this woeful tale, and here it is:
Yesterday, at 3:32pm "And They Danced..." was delivered back to me via the trusty servants of the United States Postal Service.
I am grateful to have it back, and thank the 'ART'ful Dodger for finally doing the right thing and returning the painting.
I am sorry the 'ART'ful Dodger is going through a difficult time and felt the need to keep the painting and not communicate with me until the pain of not responding was too great, but I think we can all learn from this situation:
It's best to own your mistakes up front. Had the 'ART'ful Dodger told me the truth right from the beginning, I would have worked it out with them privately. I would have sent UPS or FedEx to pick up the painting, or had a friend go get it. We had options, if the 'ART'ful Dodger had only been honest. I wouldn't have liked it, but I would have dealt with it quietly and none of you would have known about this tale.
So dear reader, learn to respond rather than react. I encourage you to take the time to choose your actions thoughtfully and carefully. Whatever you do, there are always consequences, even unintended ones.
Always leave room to escalate. If you start with the most extreme reaction, you have no where to go. At each step and stage along this process, I tried to do the least confrontational response in order to resolve the matter, leaving myself plenty of room to maneuver. I am very pleased and grateful that I did not need to file a police report or bring a suit in small claims court.
Compassion has many faces. I think the biggest lesson for me is that sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do for everyone concerned is to take a stand and establish a boundary. Until I did this, I felt like a victim. I was angry, frustrated and confused. I didn't know why this was happening to me. I had bent over backwards to help this person out and make the situation right. All along, I took responsibility for my own actions. The freedom for me came when I put back on the 'ART'ful Dodger that which was theirs. By standing tall and calling them on their bad behavior, by not staying silent, by letting them know their choices were not acceptable to me (since I was affected by them), I found my own power and peace. Too often we think being compassionate means we need to turn the other cheek or rise above. Too often all we end up doing is enabling others to continue in wrongful, hurtful behavior. Too often we forget that sometimes taking care of ourselves is the most compassionate thing we can do.
And now I can let this whole thing go. According to Reverend Desmond Tutu, forgiveness is not about condoning someone's wrongful actions. It is not about turning the other cheek, or letting someone get away with harming you. It is about giving up the right to be angry. In that sense, I am ready to forgive the 'ART'ful Dodger and move on to better things.
And dear reader, as a post script, if you are interested in purchasing any artwork, my virtual art sale, "l'ART'ceny" is running through August 30.
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