2014 New Year's #Resolutions

Okay. It's been quite some time since I last posted anything—a year  and a half to be exact. I really didn't feel like I had anything to say. I figured that since I probably didn't care what you had to say, you probably didn't care what I had to say… and all those bloggers who wrote about their life were indulging in some form of narcissistic, pompous, self-importance. In the end, none of it matters and no one gets out of here alive, so why bother.

So why have I changed my mind? Mostly because I am exhausted and unmotivated and uninspired. Back at the end of 2009, my husband and I bought a house. I love our house. I adore our neighborhood. I joined the Garden Club. I chair a committee for the Community Association. We joined a neighborhood sustainability group that meets regularly for  (sort of) "farm to table" dinners. All is good.

And yet, the past four years have also been really difficult. The first year we owned the house, I was more sick than usual. There was mold, dust, smoke. There were excessive quantities of wiring that proved to be a potential fire hazard and needed to be removed. In short, I was allergic to the house. Our first year was spent undoing all the things that were done by the previous owner: stripping wall paper, removing carpeting,  redoing the bathroom and laundry room to take care of mold issues, etc. By the end of 2010 I was pretty comfortable and thought, "Now that we did all that work, and I'm feeling better, 2011 will be a better year."

But in 2011, the main sewer line kept backing up and the collapsing orangeburg pipes needed to be addressed. So 2011 came to a close with our needing to replace the main sewer line. Okay, these things happen. It's part of the joys of being a homeowner. I figured 2012 would be better.

We began 2012, along with several neighbors, learning all we could about the life of orangeburg pipes, and several of us ultimately replaced our main sewer lines. I figured that would be the big highlight of 2012 until the storm in September knocked our neighbor's tree down and it took out our shed, went through two maple trees in our back yard, and landed on our roof. We needed to replace our roof. That's how 2012 ended, and I thought, "2013 will be better."

But it wasn't. We did replace the roof in the beginning of the year. My husband and I exhaled a huge sigh of relief. We felt grateful, thinking that nothing else could happen. And then we lost both of my husband's parents. And as 2013 came to a close, I would hear people say that 2014 will be a better year, and I found myself thinking, and sometimes even saying, "I'm not tempting fate anymore by thinking next year will be a better year."

By the end of 2013, I was exhausted. As a psychotherapist, I know exhaustion, fatigue, burnout, would be normal, given the list of occurrences over the past few years. Add to that my chronic fatigue syndrome and the fact that I am a woman of a certain age with all the hormonal complexities that that entails, and I truly understand why I am so unmotivated, uninspired, and exhausted.

So here we are in the new year. Even though it's my business to help people vision and manifest the life they want to create for themselves, I found myself rolling my eyes whenever there was a story on the news about resolutions. The thought of making new year's resolutions positively nauseated me. Who cares? No one keeps them anyway.

But I couldn't get away from it. Everyone kept asking, "What do you want in the new year?"

So this is what I came up with:

After much deep self-reflection and serious contemplation, I have come up with my list of New Year's #Resolutions: Eat more junk food; Drink more alcohol; Watch more television; Play more games; Take more #selfies; Use more #hashtags.

I told some friends and got some interesting responses. One friend told me I was sounding particularly obnoxious. Another friend thought it was a good idea. I posted it on my Facebook page and had offers from friends to help me keep my resolutions. And I had someone who hoped that I broke them all.

It got me thinking.

I began this as a sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, irreverent response to the inane idea that January 1 holds some magical power to make all things better and new. The truth is that everyday is a new day, and a new opportunity to start over.

I was tired of being positive, conscious, working to "create my reality just the way I want it." Though I really do believe that individually and collectively we create our reality by what we think, what we say, and what we do, I have also witnessed the other truth: the universe has its own set of randomness and sometimes it's not what you do, or even how you do it, but how you respond when life throws you curve balls.

My friend who wished I would break all my "resolutions" got me thinking. What if I took it seriously? What if I did eat more junk food? What if I drank more alcohol? What if I watched more television? What if I played more games? What if I took more selfies? What if I used more #hashtags?

How might things be different?

#selfie of Jennifer pouring the
last of a bottle of beer that
 took four days to finish

The reality is, even if I eat more junk food, it's not like I'm going to binge. I'm not stupid. And the junk food will still be relatively healthy since I feel better when I eat organic, non-GMO foods. As for drinking more alcohol, studies do show that in moderation, alcohol can be beneficial to one's health. And I'm not really much of a drinker… It took me four days to finish one beer. But maybe, more of my friends will think that happy hour is a good idea and perhaps my life will be more social.

Playing more games certainly can't be a bad thing. Games make us happy. Last night my husband and I played scrabble. Don't ask who won because we didn't keep score. But we did win: we spent time together, interacting, laughing, cheering each other on with our oh-so-impressive words. It was fun. Maybe my friends want to play games too… it could be the start of something social.

Okay, watching more television may be a mistake. I probably watch too much already. The amount I watch is in direct correlation to how lousy I am feeling: The worse I feel, the more I watch. Still, if there's some show you think I should see, let me know. After all, I don't want to break my resolutions and maybe what I watch will change and I will be more inspired to create art.

More selfies? Yes. I actually think this is a good one. Recently, I was putting together a brochure about myself as a presenter and I realized I had very few pictures of myself to choose from. I tend to shy away from pictures of myself because ever since I got sick with the chronic fatigue syndrome, I put on a lot of weight and so I don't like to see pictures of myself. So more selfies would imply that maybe I'm a little more carefree, less concerned about my outward appearance, and what others might think. Maybe it means I'll focus more on living life and having fun. What could be bad about that?

And then there's the whole #hashtag thing. One of my sister's-in-law is a marketing person and she has been helping me understand how to use social media as a business tool. If I used more #hashtags, it would mean that I am following her advice and doing what I need to do to build my business. She says it's pretty easy to learn and implement and even I could do it. We'll see… (Here's a shameless plug: I've been making changes to my website, www.soulworksstudio.com. It's still a work in progress, but please check it out and let me know what you think.)

#selfie of Jennifer writing this blog entry
while walking on the treadmill

It's been an hour since I began writing this.  Bones and Castle were on the television, not that I paid much attention. I was walking on the treadmill… a little over two miles.

As for my new year's resolutions, I think I might be onto something. I just might be motivated, inspired, and energized by the end of 2014. Want to help me be accountable? Let's go out for drinks. Or come over and let's make some awesome-tasting (and still healthy) junk food. Do you like to play games?  Ask me to play an interactive "old school" game with you (like scrabble or gin rummy, or jenga). Feeling like you want to get in  on the selfies thing? I figure that pictures of me in my house are probable pretty boring.  I think a selfie of me doing something with you would be much better than a selfie of me laying in bed. Invite me to go on outings with you. Let's have fun together.

I don't know what this year will hold. And I don't want to say it will be better than the last. I can say that for the first time in a long time, I don't feel tired. And I do feel hopeful. Here's to new year's resolutions… Cheers and L'chaim!